Ladies (32)

HOW A MAN'S PAST MAY AFFECT HIS INTIMACY CYCLE

This natural cycle in a man may already be obstructed from his childhood. He may be afraid to pull away because he witnessed his mother's disapproval of his father's emotional distancing. Such a man may not even know that he needs to pull away. He may unconsciously create arguments to justify pulling away. This kind of man naturally develops more of his feminine side but at the expense of suppressing some of his masculine power. He is a sensitive man. He tries hard to please and be loving but loses part of his masculine self in the process. He feels guilty pulling away. Without knowing what has happened he loses his desire, power, and passion; he becomes passive or overly dependent. He may be afraid to be alone or to go into his cave. He may think he doesn't like being alone because deep inside he is afraid of losing love. He has already experienced in childhood his mother rejecting his father or directly rejecting him. While some men don't know how to pull away, others don't know how to get close. The macho man has no problem pulling away. He just can't come back and open up. Deep inside he may be afraid he is unworthy of love. He is afraid of being close and caring a lot. He does not have a picture of how welcomed he would be if he got closer. Both the sensitive male and the macho male are missing a positive picture or experience of their natural intimacy cycle. Understanding this male intimacy cycle is just as important for men as it is for women. Some men feel guilty needing to spend time in their caves or they may get confused when they start to pull away and then later spring back. They may mistakenly think something is wrong, with them. It is such a relief for both men and women to understand these secrets about men.

WISE MEN AND WOMEN
Men generally don't realize how their suddenly pulling away and then later returning affects women. With this new insight about how women are affected by his intimacy cycle, a man can recognize the importance of sincerely listening when a woman speaks. He understands and respects her need to be reassured that he is interested in her and he does care. Whenever he is not needing to pull away, the wise man takes the time to initiate conversation by asking his female partner how she is feeling. He grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back. He might say "I need some time to be alone and then we will have some special time together with no distractions." Or if he starts to pull away while she is talking he might say "I need some time to think about this and then we can talk again." When he returns to talk, she might probe him to understand why he left. If he's not sure, which is many times the case, he might say "I'm not sure. I just needed some time to myself. But let's continue our conversation." He is more aware that she needs to be heard and he needs to listen more when he is not pulling away. In addition, he knows that listening helps him to become aware of what he wants to share in a conversation.
To initiate a conversation the wise woman learns not to demand that a man talk but asks that he truly listen to her. As her emphasis changes, the pressure on him is released. She learns to open
up and share her feelings without demanding that he do the same. She trusts that he will gradually open up more as he feels accepted and listens to her feelings. She does not punish him or chase after him. She understands that sometimes her intimate feelings trigger his need to pull away while at other times (when he is on his way back) he is quite capable of hearing her intimate feelings. This wise woman does not give up. She patiently and lovingly persists with a knowing that few women have.