Ladies (24)

WHEN MARTIANS DO TALK
 Women get burned not only when they unknowingly invade a man's introspective time but also when they misinterpret his expressions, which are generally warnings that he is either in his cave or on his way to the cave. When asked "What's the matter?" a Martian will say something brief like "It's nothing" or "I am OK."
These brief signals are generally the only way a Venusian knows to give him space to work out his feelings alone. Instead of saying "I am upset and I need some time to be alone," men just
become quiet. In the following chart six commonly expressed abbreviated warning signals are fisted as well as how a woman might unknowingly respond in an intrusive and unsupportive manner:

SIX COMMON ABBREVIATED WARNING SIGNALS
When a woman asks "What's the matter?"
A Man Says
A Woman Responds
"I'm OK" or "It's OK.'
"I know something's wrong. What is it?"
"I'm fine" or "It's fine."
"But you seem upset. Let's talk."
"It's nothing."
"I want to help. I know something is bothering you. What is it?"
"It's all right" or "I'm all right."
"Are you sure? I am happy to help you."
"It's no big deal."
"But something is upsetting you. I think we should talk."
"It's no problem."
"But it is a problem. I could help."
When a man makes one of the above abbreviated comments he generally wants silent acceptance or space. At times like this, to avoid misinterpretation and unnecessary panic, the Venusians consulted their Martian/Venusian Phrase Dictionary. Without this assistance, women misinterpret these abbreviated expressions. Women need to know that when a man says "I am OK" it is an abbreviated version of what he really means, which is "I am OK because I can deal with this alone. I do not need any help. Please support me by not worrying about me. Trust that I can deal with it all by myself." Without this translation, when he is upset and says "I am OK" it sounds to her as if he is denying his feelings or problems. She then attempts to help him by asking questions or talking about what she thinks the problem is. She does not know that he is speaking an abbreviated language. The following are excerpts from their phrase dictionary. The Martian/Venusian Phrase Dictionary "I'm OK" translated into Venusian means "I am OK, I can deal with my upset. I don't need any help, thank you." Without this translation, when he says "I am OK" she may hear "I am not upset because I do not care" or she may hear -I am not willing to share with you my upset feelings. I do not trust you to be there for me." "I'm fine" translated into Venusian means "I am fine because I am successfully dealing with my upset or problem. I don't need any help. If I do I will ask." Without this translation, when he says "I am fine" she may hear "I don't care about what has happened. This problem is not important to me. Even if it upsets you, I don't care." "It's nothing" translated into Venusian means "Nothing is bothering me that I cannot handle alone. Please don't ask any more questions about it."
Without this translation, when he says "Nothing is bothering me" she may hear "I don't know
what is bothering me. I need you to ask me questions to assist me in discovering what is happening." At this point she proceeds to anger him by asking questions when he really wants to be left alone. "It's all right" translated into Venusian means 'This is a problem but you are not to blame. I can resolve this within myself if you don't interrupt my process by asking more questions or offering suggestions. Just act like it didn't happen and I can process it within myself more effectively." Without this translation, when he says "It's all right" she may hear "This is the way it is supposed to be. Nothing needs to be changed. You can abuse me and I can abuse you" or she hears "It's all right this time, but remember it is your fault. You can do this once but don't do it again or else. " "It's no big deal" translated into Venusian means "It is no big deal because I can make things work again. Please don't dwell on this problem or talk more about it. That makes me more upset. I accept responsibility for solving this problem. It makes me happy to solve it." Without this translation, when he says "It's no big deal" she may hear "You are making a big deal out of nothing. What concerns you is not important. Don't overreact." "It's no problem" translated into Venusian means "I have no problem doing this or solving this problem. It is my pleasure to offer this gift to you." Without this translation, when he says "It's no problem" she may hear 'This is not a problem. Why are you making it a problem or asking for help?" She then mistakenly explains to him why it is a problem. Using this Martian/Venusian Phrase Dictionary can assist women in understanding what men really mean when they abbreviate what they are saying. Sometimes what he is really saying is the opposite of what she hears.